The “Cinderella” Story as Written by Courtney Johnson

I am so excited to share this post with all of you today. Yesterday I had the pleasure of connecting with a wonderful baseball wife who felt led to share her deepest thoughts and emotions with our baseball family.  Courtney very bravely posted the piece below on a private group we have for baseball wives and girlfriends and the response she received was heartwarming.  So many women, including myself, were incredibly moved by what she had to say.

Even though we are all at different points in our journey, the baseball community shares many of the same emotional, psychological and lastly, physical struggles. This very special life we lead is one of many blessings, but it also comes with many hardships that most will never see or understand.  Many wives commented that they were in tears after reading Courtney’s post and I can say that I had a hard time reading it myself.  I was overwhelmed with emotions that run deep despite my pregnancy hormones. I urge you to take a moment to read the beautifully written piece below;  It will give many a little insight into our baseball lives. Without further ado…

“There’s no Cinderella’s in baseball. Who you are and what you are will show itself sooner or later.” The past week has been one of the toughest for me emotionally. Of course it doesn’t help that I have the hormones of a typhoon raging within, either. But if I were a betting lady I’d be willing to bet that these emotions would be here regardless of the growth of little one. If there is one thing I have come to respect about my husband, it’s that he has the determination of a mule. When you take something from him that he is passionate about, you better get strapped in and buckle down for the ride. Because he’s about to prove himself in ways you didn’t even know existed. Baseball is his first love. The feel of the ball between his fingers, the smell of the grass on the field, the feel of the dirt on the mound, the rush of a setup and the motion of the pitch. All of this is second nature to him. It’s in his blood. In his soul. He has worked harder than I ever contemplated working in his 26 years on this earth. He has sacrificed more sweat and tears than I can count. In 2010 he was drafted into affiliated ball. A dream come true. A dream that suddenly went from one of pure love to one of pure agony. Most people have no idea what a minor leaguer goes through. Believe me, I know there are people out there that literally give up their lives for another. I respect that completely. But there’s something to be said for a guy who puts his life on pause for a game he loves. He packs his stuff, drives off with his family behind, stays in hotels that you wouldn’t even think about stopping at, sleeps on busses for 10-18 hours while traveling to the next field, grinds day in and day out working his body to maximum potentials and fights to keep a job every day because there are others out there hunting for it. Then turns to the fans, smiles, waves and signs balls or cards with a smile on his face and a pep in his step; hiding the strain and tiredness that the 5th cup of coffee he just poured himself is trying to hide. His bank account gets the $7-850 deposit every two weeks and his bills slowly pile because there is no such thing as a paycheck in the offseason. All for a dream. A dream to get to where every ball player wants to be. Then one day you find yourself sitting on the couch, almost 6 years later, baseball-less. I always wondered what this day would feel like and I must say, it feels a lot like an unexpected breakup with a first love. After all, that’s basically what it is. The “my feelings have changed” emptiness of questions that you have at the moment you are no longer in a relationship take over. And like all of our first breakups, the first days are hard. Emotional. Aggravating. As each day passes, the numbness fades and things get better. That’s what the initial seconds of the “I’ve been released” moment feels like. Gut wrenching, sword in the stomach pain. That was almost 2 weeks ago. What I love about my husband is that he hasn’t crawled into a dark space and felt sorry for himself. He hasn’t even gotten so angry that he made irrationally destructive decisions. Nope. He takes it to the mound. He continues to work hard and train. We may be crazy, but we are Noah. I’m sure most people thought he was insane, literally, when he began constructing the ark. I mean who builds a boat for animals, when you’ve never even seen rain? I’ll tell you who. A man who heard His God speak. A man who listened. A man who prepared his field, no matter the cost. Last season, this same time, we were walking through a miscarriage. Now, we are anxiously waiting the birth of our precious Addelyn. No matter what comes, her tiny life will not be taken for granted because we know what it feels like to lose one. Now, a year later, we walk through a release. A death in some sense. We learned last year that the beauty of it is new life always comes next. We have no idea what tomorrow brings. We really don’t even know what the next minute brings. But the one thing we do know is that baseball is not over. And when he gets the opportunity he has worked so hard for, it will not be taken for granted. All that He requires of us is faith as tiny as a mustard seed. Even if what He has called you to do seems so incredibly out of reach, if you believe He can and will provide what you need to fulfill your calling, that He has given, He will give it. So just as the farmer prepared his field for rain, believing His God would bring it, we too prepare our field for the next step. We must always be ready for the opportunity to fulfill The Divine Calling to come. Because if we aren’t, it will never be as powerful as it was intended to be and we might even miss it. One day we will look back on this and see how all of those grungy nights on a bus or sleeping in a bed that most wouldn’t even sit on, the strain, the stress, the pay that seems like nothing and every second of the struggle, the preparation and the wait will all be worth it. Not because he made the show. No, because he obeyed the calling.

Turning the Page

It has been a solid seven months since I have written a post.  A lot has transpired in my life since then and I can honestly say that I feel the presence of God in my life more than ever.  Since I last checked in, David and I bought a house, David became a Cleveland Indian, – farewell NYY – we welcomed our beautiful baby boy into the world, and just yesterday, we celebrated another amazing year of marriage.

Now that I am the mama to my own offspring – not just four legged furry babies – my life is consumed by poopy diapers, spit up and lack of sleep, all of which do not hold a candle to the love that I have for my little man. Believe it or not, what most people find “yucky”, I find truly gratifying. There’s nothing like seeing a nice poopy diaper and celebrating that your baby’s digestive system is working efficiently.  But enough about the favorite topic of new parents – poo – and onto what my goals are for this blog in 2014. I can’t promise that I will have the time to contribute to this blog the way I have in years past, but I will try to document my experiences as a mother while living the life of a baseball wife.

Moving forward I plan on sharing my favorite mommy products, taking into account how much we travel. As unconventional a lifestyle as we live, our son will also have to be raised in a rather unconventional way – we have learned to adapt and so will he.

Next up: Flying for the first time with a 3 month old.

Honesty: the off-season blues

I’m going to level with you all. I was going to sit on this post given I’m a little more emotional than usual but I guess I’ve become rather fearless when it comes to putting myself out there. For me, honesty is the best policy and while I happen to love my life, it isn’t always peaches and cream. This blog is basically my innermost thoughts – no reservations – so here goes. I think we can all agree that life has its struggles. I also happen to believe that anything worth having is worth waiting for and, not to mention, fighting for. The old saying, “if it were easy, everyone would do it” is also relevant here. Any similar cliché you could think of, well, it fits.

Getting to my point, this baseball lifestyle is anything but easy. It’s good to remind yourself that the grass isn’t greener on the other side and while I wouldn’t change my life for anything, it surely isn’t without challenges. This past year was probably one of the most eye-opening for me. I learned invaluable lessons and with it, I grew as a woman and as a wife. I can also say with certainty that I have matured tenfold. And while I will only continue to grow and mature as years pass, there’s one thing I can’t deny, baseball makes you grow up – fast.

Every time I meet someone new or I catch up with old friends, I am asked 21 questions about how my life has been. No matter how many times I have answered the same questions over and over, I can always bet that the questions will come, I will answer them, and still leave most perplexed. This is my life. It is daunting to most and it is absolutely draining for those who actually live it.

Sometimes I look at my beloved husband and I wonder how he does it. I have actually asked him whether playing baseball gets old right around game 100, or if the long and uncomfortable bus rides become unbearable half way through the season. When this question actually escaped me, his honest answer was no. He reminded me just how much he loves what he does and how he could easily play baseball every single day for years to come.

So then my mind circles back around to where that leaves me. It is really easy while living this lifestyle to lose your sense of self. I remind myself every day why I am here. The simple answer is, my husband. When I think I can no longer attend another baseball game this year or I’m drained from the hectic schedule, I seek consolation in the fact that this makes the man I married as happy as a child. I also remind myself that this Minor League lifestyle will only last so long. The big paycheck will come one day, and with it more security, although, probably not more stability.

This is the first off-season that I haven’t been employed and aside from my freelance work, my only job is to take care of my household. I was beyond ready for the 2012 season to come to an end right around the halfway point, but now that it’s here, I am stir-crazy. I think the hardest part about the off-season is the wait. There really is no job security in baseball and every fall we have to wait it out and see what job offer will come.

This is the harsh reality of baseball that the fans don’t really see. Imagine – everyone is anxiously waiting to see what unfolds with the 2013 New York Yankees, well now imagine you are part of the organization. Imagine wondering if the Yankees are going to include you on the 40-Man roster or if another team will pick you up. Will there be a trade that sends you cross-country or is this the end of the road? This is what it’s like as a baseball player and his wife/gf.

The uncertainty can drive anyone mad. All a baseball player can do in the off-season is work hard, get in shape and be ready to perform when the call is made. Sure, you have the A-rods of the world who have long-term deals, but that is the minority and it doesn’t come with any less pressure. When you sign on the dotted line and you receive a big contract, there are expectations you want to meet and, when possible, exceed.

It never really gets easier. I’m excited to head back to Arizona in a week, but I know what my routine will be: wake up, make breakfast for David, drop him off at the field, go back home, shower, get ready for the game, attend the game, wait for David to shower, do rehab and come out, head home, eat, go to sleep – then do it all over again. This is what day-to-day is like when I’m with David during baseball season. I’m not saying it’s a HARD life; please don’t misconstrue what I mean. This life has myriad blessings and we are ever grateful that God chose it for us, but it is emotionally draining.

OK, so I guess I’m just experiencing the off-season blues. Is that a thing? Truthfully, I think I just miss David. Although I’m not excited to get back on that big bulky metal contraption that defies gravity at 50,000 ft in the air, I’m beyond ready to get back out to Arizona and be with my man. After what felt like a million years of long distance angst, we are finally two hearts that are one, forever more, and I love it. I think David would say the same. I know he misses me and is eager for me to get back out there and be by his side. I may complain that attending a million baseball games a year gets old, but at the end of the day, I love it. I love my husband and I love baseball and ultimately, I love my life. So while this life doesn’t get any less exhausting or any more stable, it is part of who David and I are and the people we have become. I may need a full time nanny when I have babies, but if that’s as bad as it gets, I’ll take it any day of the week. 😉

A little bit of this, a lot of that

Firstly, I have a wonderful announcement.  This Stepford wife has a job! For those of you who do not understand my sense of humor, no, I am not a Stepford wife. Not in the literal sense anyway. I love the workingwoman and I know well what it means to work just to pay the bills. I do, however, celebrate the traditions of the 1950s where mothers took care of their children, cooked dinner and maintained a clean home.

This year was the first time since I was seventeen that I have officially been unemployed.  It was actually a liberating experience and taught me to redirect my energies toward my husband and his career. Truth is, being unemployed isn’t easy. Not when you are well in debt, thanks to your college education. At seventeen I committed to the University of Miami and never once considered whether or not I would be able to pay back my loans. Interestingly enough, I actually received an academic scholarship from the “U” that covered a third of my education. On top of that, I was awarded a Florida resident scholarship from Bright Futures. Somehow though, I graduated with debt – a lot of debt.

Obama throwing up the “U” – this is disturbing for a slew of reasons. Nevertheless, Go ‘Canes!

Since rushing through school and graduating early back in December 2008, I have worked hard just to pay these loans. It’s not glamorous, but it’s a reality; one I am more than willing to admit.  Anyhow, all year I have been considering careers that would afford me the opportunity to travel with David.  I may have a ton of college debt, but no amount of money is worth more than time with my husband. I’ve given up many jobs and even stopped selling real estate, which would’ve easily helped pay off my loans in a few years, to spend these critical times alongside my best friend. These decisions weren’t made without hesitation, but in the end everything has worked out for the best.

After a lot of praying and much inspiration, I have begun freelancing as a writer. I have often considered going back to school to get a masters in creative writing but I revert to…oh, those loans.  I’ve decided I don’t want to continue spending money on my education.  At least not right now.  I’m not a perfect writer and I still have a world of improving to do, but it is one thing I truly enjoy doing.  For me, writing doesn’t feel like job.  Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? This is the first time in my life that I have actually done something that doesn’t feel like work.

Sure, if David…oh wait…”when” David makes it to the Majors, my student loans will be an after thought and working won’t be necessary, but still, I have long envisioned myself as a writer and to say it is my dream job would be an understatement.   Think, “Something’s Gotta Give.” Diane Keaton plays a writer who spends her days and nights writing from her beach house.  Who wouldn’t love that?!  I realize my first and most important job is to be my husband’s wife and eventually the mother of our children.  For now I have my zoo to keep me busy in the mothering department.  The greatest thing about freelancing is that I get to control how often I write and increase or decrease my workload as necessary.  In the end it’s the perfect gig for moi.

On to what I really wanted to cover in this post, – I know, I’m sorry, this post is long – the searches that bring people to my blog.  WordPress is a great host website and includes stats analysis.  These analyses include search criteria that direct traffic to your blog.  For sometime now, I have seen the most interesting searches directing traffic to my page and I wanted to address a few of those.

A few months back, I wrote a blog questioning whether athletes make too much money.  Despite my inherent bias, I cannot argue that to be the case.  Since I published that post, however, I get endless searches every single day that look like…”Do athletes and entertainers make too much money?” “Why do athletes make so much money?” “Professional athletes get paid too much money.”  That last one was a statement, not even a question.   Shall we address this again?  For those of you who follow my twitter, you have probably deduced that I lean Republican.  I believe in free enterprise.  Let me repeat that, I believe in free enterprise.  Now, that isn’t the only reason I stand where I do politically but I will spare my readers my thoughts on that.  Back to professional sports, which are…you guessed it! – BUSINESSES.  It is safe to say that even if David never plays a single day in the big leagues, I will feel the exact same way I do now.  I do not get upset when I see actors and actresses take home $20MM for a single film nor do I think it is wrong.

As consumers, we buy into the films and sporting events that subsequently drive immense amounts of revenue back to the pockets of these individuals.  If it weren’t for the actors or athletes, there wouldn’t be anything driving our interest and if it weren’t for our interest, there wouldn’t be a demand.  It’s basic economics.  I guess that UM degree has come in handy after all.  I love this country so much because it gives everyone the ability to get out and work hard to achieve the American dream.   I could really go into why these “entertainers” are well deserving of their money for a year, but I’m over it.   The people who don’t comprehend it are the same people who believe in spreading the wealth.  See how well that worked in say, CUBA? Conceptually beautiful; realistically flawed.

Moving on.   A hilarious search that somehow found my blog was, “Why do baseball wives think they are so great?”  Well, that one still has me amused.  I will pair that with a few similar searches such as, “MLB wives,” “Minor League baseball wives,” “life as a baseball wife.”  There are far too many of these searches to mention, and you wonder why we baseball wives think we are so great?! Relax, I jokeeeee. We baseball wives do not think we are “so great.”  Well, maybe a few do, but the ones I have met are nothing short of amazing.  You will always have a few rotten apples in a bunch, but to pigeonhole us in that manner would be completely inaccurate.  I do want thank those viewers who are genuinely interested in learning more about baseball wives – you have given me a great purpose for writing.

 

Another question that was being asked on the web was, “why do so many baseball players live in Arizona?”  I can tell you that Arizona is the spring training location for half the teams in baseball.  For this reason, many baseball players live in the city their spring training takes place.   This really simplifies traveling when you consider how much moving a baseball player does in a single season.   Nevertheless, not every player lives near their team’s spring training hub in the off-season.   Many of David’s colleagues – now that sounds funny – live in their hometowns to be close to family.

Lastly, I had to touch on these recent search terms, “are wives of professional athletes all crazy?” Mhm. Well, it depends on what you mean by crazy.  If you are talking about “Baseball Wives” crazy then no, but if you mean crazy for living this life, then yes!  Presume what you will from that.   Regardless, I love it!

Peace and love to all – even those of you voting for BO.    It may take a while, but I’ll get over it.  Love you still.

Home sweet (home)

Well, we lost.   That is, the Trenton Thunder lost.   It was a tough Championship series and we just couldn’t pull through and win three out of five.   The loss was emotional for most because it meant going home.  It meant leaving new friends and a team that we may never play with again.    The moment we lost it was time to close another chapter in our book and open a new one.   Time to move forward.

Once we got back to the apartment we started packing immediately in order to get on the road the next day.   After a few hours of sleep and many last minute details to take care of, we finally left Pennsylvania at 11 AM.   I jumped in the SUV with our three cats and pup while David followed behind me in the car.  Yes, that’s right, we had to drive two cars all the way back to Miami.   After two days of driving we made it back in one piece and began settling in.  We are getting comfortable back home, albeit, David will be leaving for Arizona before we know it.  In the meantime, we are trying to enjoy the time we have in Miami before he has to get back to playing baseball.

Hour one of our drive down to Miami with Charlie as my CoPilot.

Since being an athlete is a year round job, despite what others think, David and I got right to working out again.   When athletes aren’t in season, they are working hard at getting in tip top shape in order to start the next season stronger than ever and David is no different.   We went back to working out at My Speed Trainer in Broward County with David’s long time trainer Ed Winslow.   MST is where he does all his speed, agility and lifting.  Part of our days also include going to the baseball field to work on hitting and fielding.   The reality is, an athlete has no time to rest.   The off-season is not a vacation; it is another grind.    The nice thing about the time away from playing everyday is that you get to take a day or two off every week, like a normal person, and you also get to see your family.  These are things that are very scarce during the season.

David (Left) and Ed Winslow (Right) at MST after their workout Day 1.

That’s all for now, but I will touch base once I am in Arizona with the Hubs.

Adios.

CCA